Actually, that’s most days. Cause i really don’t care how the new version of visual studio auto-generates class constructors or how many cores are in the new Verari servers. Really, i just don’t. Stop trying to tell me about it. Doesn’t my staring right through you, into space, wishing dreamily for Scottie to beam me up and fly me away at warp speed to whatever planet my people are from, convey my complete disinterest effectively? Perhaps if i were to suddenly start snoring loudly, or if my head were to sag intermittently towards my chest in the desperate head-bob of complete physical exhaustion… would that help? Cause i’d be willing to do that. Or if i just kept a pellet gun in my desk and shot at people that annoyed me? Cause i could do that, too.
Let’s not fool anyone; i’m a pretty nerdy sort. I’m not gonna lie to ya; i’ve got more cases for my iPod than i have suits in the closet (tho none this quirky), and i’ve even – *personally* – replaced the battery and logic board in said iPod. And i know what a logic board is. I get excited about robots that make waffles, although mostly that’s just because i love waffles, and anything that reduces the time differential between my desire for waffles and my consumption of waffles is good technology in my book. If i had a trendy downtown warehouse apartment, there’d be an LED table in my dining room and my alarm clock would know what day of the week it is. Come to think of it, my alarm clock does that now… Anyway, the sheer nerdiness of even linking to a product at ThinkGeek should push me right over the edge; the fact that several more items in my Christmas wishlist herald from there notwithstanding.
Where has all this gotten me? Sure, i can wire my own house for telephones and cable tv… but has it helped me meet women? No, unless they’re geekier than me. Sure, i can SSH into my home desktop from anywhere in the world and run that perl script that locks my garage door… but where is the fame and fortune, and why am i still buttering my own bread? What it *has* gotten me is into a career path filled with people way more into this stuff than me, people who would rather write code than sleep, people who spend beautiful sunny weekends at home playing WoW. Not that i don’t enjoy an occasional video game myself, but i definitely don’t share the enthusiasm of the people around me for technology immersion. Non-geeky friends who know me are thinking right now “what are you talking about? you’re a tech-freak!” but i’m telling you guys, multiply me by 100 and that’s who i’m fighting with for the good jobs in this industry. People who know what micro$oft’s next patch is actually patching, before it’s released (and not because they worked on it). People who need cellphones that use a stylus.
I am not one of them. I do not fit in here. Sure, i can distract myself making art with post-its and avoiding dysentery but that’s just step one of the 12-step program that is my career. I spent an hour today in a meeting where someone from the New York office explained the client survey results and their impact on our (nerdy) department. Rather than listen intently to what percentage of users feel that we value their input regarding future product features as the look on my face (hopefully) belied, i spent the hour studying the presenter. How did he get that job? What else does he have to do? He obviously gets to travel, he’s here from NYC. He dresses nicely, very KC. What did he study in college?