Met Steph for mutual birthday coffee tonight at Alderwood Mall in Lynnwood. It was a midway point geographically as well as chronologically, as the week started with her birthday and will end with mine. We considered detouring for birthday Cold Stone ice cream, but the packs of screaming children and the clapping, chanting, birthday-song-singing employees devalued their dessert selections beyond our loss tolerance.

The otherwise pleasant evening took a surprise turn for the worst when i reached my car at the waaaay back of the Macy’s parking lot, so far back that a minimum of 20 empty spaces surrounded my shiny red ride on all sides. Like a blemish in the mirror on prom day, that evil pink slip of paper flapped under the driver’s wiper blade. Firstly, lay off my wiper blades, meter maids. Those PIAA Silicones are 40 bucks a pop, thank you. Secondly… i’m at the MALL. In Lynnwood. I park downtown Seattle everyday, yet i’m confused by suburban parking policies? As if!

So, i should have taken a picture, but it was too dark. Apparently when one of your tires is three inches over the white line, you’re parking in two spaces. I was about to be furious until i read the whole ticket:

Notice anything? No fine. No remittance directions. Yeah… that’s cause they’ve got nothing! It’s a MALL. Relief. Laughter. Maybe it’s not necessary to march into the their office tomorrow in my best power tie and demand a written apology.

So, boycott of Alderwood Mall temporarily averted, due primarily to their lack of any real authority. Also, i’m too lazy to really organize that, or to drive any further away than Lynnwood to find an Express that has men’s stuff. But they’re on thin ice, i tell you. First the over-abundance of kiosks in the aisles, and the obnoxiously pushy fragrance salespeople, and now my vehicle’s description has been “permanently recorded”…

I’m guessing C. Webb (i’m imagining the C. stands for Chuckles) jotted down my flagrant treachery dutifully as “red 2-fast 2-furious car driven by what is obviously an overpriviledged suburban punk kid displaying total disregard for order and authority by drifting into multiple parking spaces and otherwise defacing mall property. Perpetrator description: unknown!” Nice detective work, Chuckles. Serpico would have stalked me until he produced some grainy, black and white telephoto shots of me leaving the mall and returning to the scene of the crime to build a case in my permanent record.