The lovely Ferragamo-wearing people at Maserati took a break today from stroking their long-haired cats and yelling at their stockbrokers to make me this positively irresistible offer via email. Knowing that I, too, appreciate fine Italian automotive engineering enough to spend a virtually-unlimited amount displaying my pedigreed vehicular preferences to every common plebe on the sidewalk (which, in my gated neighborhood, is probably limited to my equally-pedigreed neighbors walking their suitably-pedigreed dogs) and in light of the difficult economic times facing us all, they extended in good faith a substantial, personal discount for yours truly on a new Maserati Quattroporte four-door saloon.

What kind of fabulous, exclusive, back-room-of-the-country-club-over-aged-scotch-and-Cuban-cigars deal are we talking about here? Why, a 42-month lease with only $8,524 due at signing! Giving me a monthly payment of a measly $1629! Of course, I called Muffy in from the pool to begin discussing whether she’d prefer sheepskin or lambskin for the interior, and instructed the nanny to ready the children for a drive to my local Maserati dealership post-haste.


Now, I know there are people in America (and also, Dubai) that have way too much money for their own good and are just gagging for another way to spend it, but let’s put this in perspective. $1629 a month is several hundred dollars more than my mortgage payment. It’s enough to lease 2 new Cadillac Escalades (hardly a vehicle to scoff at) or – because to really roll in style you need to roll with an entourage – 8 new Honda Accords. With that month payment money you could buy 96 new iPhones a year, install 12 giant 54″ Samsung plasma TV’s in your house, or sponsor 36 children in a poverty-stricken African country and still afford a school bus to drive them around in.

I’m just sayin’… I mean, obviously, the clear answer here is to buy a Maserati outright rather than lease – that’s what Warren Buffett would do.