geeks

Some days I’m just not geeky enough to work here.

Actually, that’s most days. Cause i really don’t care how the new version of visual studio auto-generates class constructors or how many cores are in the new Verari servers. Really, i just don’t. Stop trying to tell me about it. Doesn’t my staring right through you, into space, wishing dreamily for Scottie to beam me up and fly me away at warp speed to whatever planet my people are from, convey my complete disinterest effectively? Perhaps if i were to suddenly start snoring loudly, or if my head were to sag intermittently towards my chest in the desperate head-bob of complete physical exhaustion… would that help? Cause i’d be willing to do that. Or if i just kept a pellet gun in my desk and shot at people that annoyed me? Cause i could do that, too.

Let’s not fool anyone; i’m a pretty nerdy sort. I’m not gonna lie to ya; i’ve got more cases for my iPod than i have suits in the closet (tho none this quirky), and i’ve even – *personally* – replaced the battery and logic board in said iPod. And i know what a logic board is. I get excited about robots that make waffles, although mostly that’s just because i love waffles, and anything that reduces the time differential between my desire for waffles and my consumption of waffles is good technology in my book. If i had a trendy downtown warehouse apartment, there’d be an LED table in my dining room and my alarm clock would know what day of the week it is. Come to think of it, my alarm clock does that now… Anyway, the sheer nerdiness of even linking to a product at ThinkGeek should push me right over the edge; the fact that several more items in my Christmas wishlist herald from there notwithstanding.

Where has all this gotten me? Sure, i can wire my own house for telephones and cable tv… but has it helped me meet women? No, unless they’re geekier than me. Sure, i can SSH into my home desktop from anywhere in the world and run that perl script that locks my garage door… but where is the fame and fortune, and why am i still buttering my own bread? What it *has* gotten me is into a career path filled with people way more into this stuff than me, people who would rather write code than sleep, people who spend beautiful sunny weekends at home playing WoW. Not that i don’t enjoy an occasional video game myself, but i definitely don’t share the enthusiasm of the people around me for technology immersion. Non-geeky friends who know me are thinking right now “what are you talking about? you’re a tech-freak!” but i’m telling you guys, multiply me by 100 and that’s who i’m fighting with for the good jobs in this industry. People who know what micro$oft’s next patch is actually patching, before it’s released (and not because they worked on it). People who need cellphones that use a stylus.

I am not one of them. I do not fit in here. Sure, i can distract myself making art with post-its and avoiding dysentery but that’s just step one of the 12-step program that is my career. I spent an hour today in a meeting where someone from the New York office explained the client survey results and their impact on our (nerdy) department. Rather than listen intently to what percentage of users feel that we value their input regarding future product features as the look on my face (hopefully) belied, i spent the hour studying the presenter. How did he get that job? What else does he have to do? He obviously gets to travel, he’s here from NYC. He dresses nicely, very KC. What did he study in college?

Sigh… going to go hit refresh on Engadget, Gizmodo and Digg. Maybe someone has invented a time machine…

Criminal Activity

Apparently i’m 41% geek, at least according to Thudfactor’s geek quiz. That’s a lot more than Travis scored, but he is a mechanic, while i’m employed as a computer nerd. I’m also 58% evil, with a style rating of 78%, according to Jamie’s How Evil Are You quiz. Good to know, cause i’ve been wondering.

In addition to being a mostly evil geek i’m also a criminal, it seems, or at least my neighbors think i look like one. I was out in front of the house working on my car saturday (actually, pretty much all weekend) when two cop cars rolled in, one from each end of the street. An officer got out of each car, and they closed in on me, tinkering in my passenger seat with two doors, the sunroof and the trunk open, and tools spread all over the lawn. Oh, and an orange extension cord trailing across the sidewalk, up the lawn and into my bedroom window. You know, typical car theft stuff. They came up and asked me if i owned the car. “Uh, yeah.” What was i doing? “Just doing some wiring work on my stereo” (Not entirely true, but easier than explaining that i’m installing lights that aren’t street legal 😉 Did i have any proof this car was mine? Well, no. My wallet was in the house. I dug out the registration for them, tho, and rattled off my name and info, which they ran through their cop-computer. At this point, they realized i was not a crook, as i had yet to try and escape – although they still didn’t want me going into the house to get my wallet. Actually, i would think as soon as they walked up and i failed to make a violent dash outta there, it would have been pretty clear. Anyway, it seems one of my neighbors had called to report someone trying to steal a car in front of my house. Obviously, once the computer declared me innocent of that particular felony, they dismissed the call and nicely went on their way. First nice cops i’ve met, actually. So on one hand i’m comforted that the neighbors are that watchful, and that if someone truly was stealing my car (with the cunning use of my own tools and an extension cord from my bedroom) that someone would report and perhaps prevent it. On the other hand, i’m not very impressed with the neighborhood busybody’s observational skills. Unusual assortment of tools aside, i’m out there washing it once a week, or rotating the tires, or opening the hood, or loading/unloading the trunk. Maybe i’m just “another punk kid” and we all look the same? Or perhaps saturday at 3pm is the busybody shift change? Or maybe this person just starting peeping out their windows at the neighbors this week, and this was their first act as resident busybody? Whatever the case, i found it pretty funny, and i’m going to be sure and perform fun, suspicious-looking activities in the future for their benefit.

After being investigated by the local authorities, i got cleaned up and accompanied Josh out for pizza, and then to the Crocodile Cafe, to listen to Mountain Con. It was a pretty good show, despite the incredible, mind-melting heat inside the club. One of the guitarists, Eric, is Kim’s sister Erika’s boyfriend. Also, Jason Thane knows a few of the band members from high school, as they’re all from Missoula. What a random, small world.

As it’s days are numbered, we’re hitting the Cloud Room this friday nite, a preemptive last bash of sorts. Come join us. Buy me a drink… or i’ll steal your car!