As a matter of fact, I am on drugs. Thanks for asking.

I finally have an excuse for my weird behavior, i guess. Why i’ve stopped drinking coffee over a month ago, and have now almost completely cut out caffeine altogether, this in a city with such a high caffeine intake that our city sewer system has specific filtration for it. Why i order Thai food with 1 star (which is, to be quite honest, a bland and flavorless way to consume a lot of starch while minimizing your enjoyment of a meal) and why i spend an alarming majority of my medical flex plan fund on antacids and pepto. Yup, apparently i have a stomach lining infection, or something sort of like that, according to the phone call from my doctor’s office yesterday. Where did i contract this? Who’s to say. My cute, funny, reassuringly-capable doctor asked me if i had been to any third world countries lately; i asked her if the block my office building is located on counts?

Anyway, regardless of origin, this bacteria or whatever is apparently eradicated by attempting to obstruct my esophogas with a handful of very large pills, twice a day. A nice little assortment of them, too; some bright neon yellow ones, a large chalky white one, and a tiny rice-grain-sized pellet with itty bitty print stamped on it by those determinedly high-tech pharmaceutical people and their we-can-laser-etch-our-logo-on-a-single-atom branding strategies. I’m stuffing these down my gullet in the morning, in addition to the usual multivitamin cocktail and a nice, big vitamin C to ward off those winter sniffles, and all together that makes 9 pills a day for the next 8 weeks. That’s a lot of pills, kids, so many that i may need a pill system to keep myself from getting confused.

What does all of this mean? How will my rousing, nonstop rollercoaster social life be affected? Well, not drinking coffee will make me immensely unpopular ’round these parts, and my beloved baristas are already confused by my abstinence. Those rollicking beer binges and the early weekend mornings waking up in a downtown gutter reeking of whiskey and strippers will be on a doctor-prescribed hiatus; alcohol is on the no-no list, as well. Really, i think all of the “fun drugs” are, along with a few “niche” foods such as milk, citrus, carbonation, chocolate, tomatoes in any form, foods that are spicy or otherwise have distinct flavors surpassing the intensity of steamed rice, and anything with sugar or fat in it. Luckily my diet rarely consists of those things anyway, as i’m subsisting these days on unseasoned ramen noodles, wild nuts and berries, and squirrel meat. In addition, my aching midsection does not quietly acquiesce to external pressure, so gut-punching fights with Clint are probably out, as is restrictive clothing. Devastatingly, i won’t be wearing those tight leather pants again until at least 2006, and i guess dressing up as Steven Tyler for halloween this year isn’t going to happen. On the up side, i’m might discover a new love for bland, tasteless food, and next week in New York i will have some quality war stories to trade with Michelle, what with her having rabies and all.

For the rest of you, it means the beer in my fridge is now fair game for the taking, and the spicy asian snack mix in my desk also needs to be consumed in some way that does not involve my personal digestive system (perhaps pigeons like it?). Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s some unsweetened instant oatmeal in my immediate future and that ambrosia doesn’t microwave itself.

Even the dogs are on drugs.

Just when you thought using your cell in the car was dangerous… this guy’s phone saved his life. Literally. It took a bullet for him. I’ve always thought Nokia’s were good phones – i had no idea. See that, Dean – technology makes life better! 😉

And while technology is improving the world every day, stupid people (some with questionable morals) are constantly struggling to make things worse for everyone. I mean, wouldn’t the world be a better place if people in florida stopped racing greyhounds dogs that are high on cocaine? I mean, i know “winning is everything” and all, but do the dogs get to choose if they’d like to become addicted to illegal psychostimulants? I doubt anyone asked the greyhounds if they were interested in the seizures and heart attacks that go along with being a coke-head. And besides the obvious and disturbing abuse of these animals, i have to wonder… if they have enough money to buy cocaine for their dog, do they really need to win that badly? I mean, if i could afford enough coke to get a 60lb dog high… well, i wouldn’t be at work today, that’s for sure!

Back in the Black (Maxima)

Boy, that last post was a little loopy, wasn’t it? I was smoking something cheap that day… Actually, i suppose it was the nitrous wearing off. The kind you breathe, that is, not the kind you have a tank of in the car. 🙂

Had a great weekend, spend saturday working on my car with Jason, Patrick, Forrest and John down at Jason’s parents’ house in northern oregon. Okay, it’s just the extreme south end of puyallup, but still pretty far down there. I didn’t have a lot of work to do on my car, since i don’t have a lot of extra parts money right now (okay, none. zip. zero. zilch.) so i just painted some brackets, and rewired some lights, and misc stuff like that. I kinda ran around and watched Patrick and John paint their brake calipers, but mostly just carried tools around and cracked jokes. Go with what you’re good at, right? Oh, and i finally figured out how to get to my other three spark plugs 🙂 (thanks, Jason!) and pulled them, and they look just as ok as the first 3. Which is good, cause that means my engine is ok, too. To match my more-than-ok new rear bumper, which looks great! And the guy even finally broke down and actually paid for the repair, since his son was at fault and everything, i didn’t think that was such an incredible demand. Long story short, it’s fixed, i’m happy, and it didn’t cost me a dime. And Cameron at sonic collision is a hero on the scale of Spiderman. Okay, maybe not Spiderman (cause i think Cameron still has to walk to get places) but at least maybe the Green Lantern. Um, yeah. So anyway, finishing out the weekend… sunday Patrick and i cruised the seattle auto show downtown, drooling over all the beautiful new four-wheeled things and laughing at some of the really hideous ones (like the pt cruiser with woodgrain panels – augh!). Btw, if you’ve been looking for car pics in the photos section and can’t find them, it’s cause i moved them. Yes, just to confuse you (bwah ha ha ha!). Check out http://maxima.schuss.net for any maxima-related stuff. For now, it’s just a separate photo gallery, but eventually i’ll get a full-blown maxima site up there. I already have the soundtrack picked out, but that’s about as far as i’ve gotten on the design work… 😀 It is still linked off the site, but look under “features” for the link.

Oh, and this is the 5th week in a row that i haven’t won the mega millions lottery, although i did fail to purchase a ticket one of those weeks. So far, my investment strategy isn’t paying off. But i do get a fleeting moment of hope every week when i get that text message on my phone with the winning numbers in it. Cause one of these times, it could be me. And that brief ray of hope, no matter how ridiculous it may be, is worth the buck.

Just a quick late-nite update. I finished uploading the photos of the car show. They’re ready for your viewing pleasure. I was kind of goofy when i wrote some of the captions…

Turns out soup tastes awful through a straw – who knew?

Just sitting here enjoying the view of I-90 and the fall foilage in south bellevue from my 4th floor office, while sipping water thru a straw, a process made possible by pinching my lips around the straw with my fingers. Yes, that’s right, i went to the dentist this morning. And now i’ve got a rubber face and a tendency to drool down my right cheek. Could i be more sexy?

It’s odd the things that cross your mind – and even stranger the parts of that you remember – when you’re doped up on nitrous oxide, lying flat on your back. I had so many interesting things i wanted to jot down while i was drifting in and out of dreamland this morning, so many remarkably profound thoughts and grand new epiphanies. Sadly, all i truly remember now that i’ve crossed back thru the mirror and left wonderland, is just that; i thought of some neat things and wished i could write them down. Don’t know what they were, just know i wanted to remember them. Kind of like tying a string around your finger so you won’t forget something, and then forgetting what the string was supposed to remind you of. I’ve actually done that – not with a string, per-se. But i’ve set something out for myself, usually in a half-awake stupor: “i’ll leave this pen on top of the alarm clock, so i remember to turn the oven off.” And then the next morning, i’m like “why is there a pen balanced so oddly on my alarm clock? Oh! I was supposed to remember to do something. What was is supposed to do? Huh. Oh, well.” Or something like that. Anyway, i guess you’re just going to have to do without my mush-faced musings today, as i can’t seem to remember anything provocative or witty or even an amusing anecdote. And why is there a pen balanced so oddly on my computer keyboard???

In other news, the Max is finally in the shop today (after several annoying delays), and i have my dark green maxima loaner. I should have my car back by thursday, friday at the latest, with a shiny new rear bumper. So no more parallel parking downtown… and i’m still not officially an employee at the bellevue club, but i hear thru the grapevine that they’re figuring they’re staffing out and will hopefully get back to me this week. In the meantime, i’m having ramen for lunch. What do you think – beef flavor today? That should be nice thru a straw…